feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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