He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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