just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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