i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
