Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
