i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
