ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
