but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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