Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Shame - the story of my life.
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