That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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