I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
