please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
