he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
