god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
