we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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