u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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