I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
