Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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