I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
