I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
