I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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