whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
