I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
