I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
