I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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