This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize