Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I would fuck him just for his dog
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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