They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
