white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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