I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
