I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
