you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
