Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
