I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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