my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
