we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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