Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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