he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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