I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
did you just send me my own nude
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
