i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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