apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
