Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
