Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
