i don't like sucking hair
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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