Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
