I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
