Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
