Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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