Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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