Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
