we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
