I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
