So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
