Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
