M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
