i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
