ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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