i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Bring me that man meat
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize