well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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