:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize