last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
