I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
