Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize