apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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