I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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