Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
