Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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