I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
