remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
