she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
