Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
