Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
