The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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