If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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