so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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