Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize