I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
